Trying To Wrap One's Mitts Around The Inevitability Of Mitt (And Thus Spake The Teutonic Rapper Hans Mitgiftjager : What's Up Mit That?)

Willard Mitt Romney, in all likelihood will oppose Barrack Hussein Obama for the presidency of these not so United States this November. Dyed in the wool Reagan conservatives like myself must learn to become inured to this fact. We are told that the former governor of Massachusetts supports conservative positions. He says he supports them. He properly castigates B.O.'s policies. He promises no illicit love affairs with tax and spend liberals and he seems to love his wife and obviously religiously combs his very presidential looking hair. What's my beef? Yes, again, he certainly looks like a president. Yet something is missing. Like a soup that one has scrupulously followed the written recipe for, and after numerous tastings from pot to ladle to wooden spoon to a tongue's eager taste buds, one's hopes for a savory concoction are consistently dashed and the question lingers: "something is missing." The problem was there early on. A huge field of Republican hopefuls, like a call from central casting, gave at first, a thrill: that of many warm bodies with at least one statistically likely to show the brains and the political brawn needed to excite a nation and lace into the empty suit in the Oval Office who, with his mannered cool, faux common touch and failed policies appears possessed of the biggest glass jaw in years and ripe for "a one-way ticket to Palookaville." And yet, each G.O.P. hopeful had his "fifteen minutes of fame", even more than once, especially in Newt's case, but no sustained, exciting breakout ever materialized. Romney was well trained, seeking the job for more than four years. Gingrich was the scholarly firebrand, socking it to Democrats and leftwing media types alike and revving up the faithful of the party. Ron Paul promised fans with ancient American isolationist longings a revival of their nostalgic lusting and seemed ready to catch fire. Rick Perry caused a sensation in the polls with his handsome visage, evangelical fervor and seemingly unstoppable southern charisma…until he opened his mouth. Herman Cain wowed 'em for somewhat longer, but his libido's history, at least as told by one aggrieved woman from his past, derailed his bid pronto. All the while, Mitt hovered at the threshold of galvanizing the party, but he never was able to enter the room, "close the deal", or make hearts flutter with the right ideological poetry to cause folks to soar with dreams of transcendence and a map of the country richly Republican red. Rick Santorum was the most recent warrior to joust for glory. He won some primaries, but Mitt's steady turtle-like pace continued to pile up the delegate count, however uninspiringly. Each guy had something, but none had the "whole package." Would that one could construct a customized Republican candidate to unseat "The Anointed One" (as Sean Hannity long ago dubbed him), would the whole be greater than the sum of its parts? Those parts would include: Romney's hair and handsome visage, Gingrich's intellect, Santorum's boyish ideological purity, Paul's irrascibility, Cain's confidence, and Perry's charm. For better or for worse, the choice seems to be to play it down the middle and logically, it makes sense, if winning the election is the only priority. Yes, we're probably a center-right nation and the bloody independent (read: "brain dead" or to be kind, politically and intellectually disengaged) voter holds the balance of power in his fickle-prone hands. But it's not so much that Mitt may be a not-so-deeply- in-the-closet "moderate" that troubles an old righty like myself. It's that "something's missing" feeling that, again, I cannot shake. He forever and a day, comes across as a guy who wants to be president to the exclusion of truly thoughtful conversation and anything that would rock the boat, in his estimation, like passionate views about the issues and fearlessness about offending any group or interest, in short, one extraordinarily ordinary politician who would not let butter melt in his mouth or mouth off about anything that is bothering him. In fact, I wonder, IS anything bothering Mitt at all? Really (other than the remaining few "flies" like Santorum and Newt that he less and less often seems in need of swatting)?? One flash of acerbic wit or righteous anger at a stupid or hostile question would cause me to be enamored in a nanosecond. Colorless substance trumps glitzy style, it would appear. One only prays that he has the former, however chromatically challenged, and that it would be used in the service of uniting reasonable men (I emphasize "reasonable") before it's too late, even if he can't or won't display the crowd pleasing latter.