Stinky earned his nickname early in his teen years. Enamored by Brylcreem; he wasn't convinced that a little dab'll do ya. Initially, his nickname was "Slick," but that sounded almost cool. By all standards, especially the lowly ones of his cohorts, Edward Doohickey was not cool.
Stench overrides grease, and cruelty reigns over generousity of spirit; hence Edward "Stinky" Doohickey.
Perhaps it was fate; Stinky now cleans septic systems for a living. Hey, s#*t happens.
To prove the old adage that there is someone for everyone, Stinky found a girl who, after an unfortunate ordeal in a skunk and turnip farm, developed an hysterical and permanent loss of smell.
Ironically, her name is Rose. She calls her husband "Eddie."
She calls Edward Doohickey "Stinky," because everybody else does.
Eddie Budds is her husband. They don't talk much anymore, not since the ordeal in the skunk and turnip farm.
Rose has a thing for slick hair; she has no regard for the smell. She is not exactly Stinky's "type;" he doesn't really have a type. She's not a septic system. Theres is a complicated, but satisfying relationship, as long as no one mentions Ghandi. (Stinky is of the opinion that Ghandi's extreme weight loss only served to highlight the size of his nose.)
He has issues with intimacy. She has no arms.
Yes, there is someone for everyone, but Eddie Budds is still looking.
His standards are low, but at least one arm is a prerequisite.
Remember the old Barney's radio ad: "Select, don't settle"?
ReplyDeleteWhen that ad slogan collides with "there is someone for everyone," an existential crisis can ensue.
Do I settle? Do I lower the bar underground?
Finally, Pop, finally. You're inventing characters. You're writing short stories. 'Bout time, darn it. Bravo.
I'll e-mail you about the teensy little typo in it separately.
Was Ghandi's nose big, or was his face just drawn and puckered? Can a man with a large nos really be taken seriously? I mean, Jimmy Durante was fun, but he was no scholar.
ReplyDeleteI think Ghandi should have been more like Jimmy Durante.
Ghandi was more like Jimmy Durante than most people realize, but only among friends, and only after he'd had a few hundred calories.
ReplyDeleteHave you also noticed how Ghandi and Jimmy Durante both had extremely well-developed thumbs?
And "Mrs. Calabash" ... who got mentioned at the end of Jimmy Durante's radio shows? That was, in fact, Golda Meier, whose gargantuan nose tops both those guys put together.